Working on interim reports are so tedious =_= It´s like…. written three pages? yaaay, only 15 more to go >.<
I did it! :D
The documentary project is finally finished! Now all I have to do, is wait for the results ^^ iiiiiih <3 excited!
The book release would be sometimes late this autumn or early in spring next year :3 About the documentary, I don´t know yet ^^”
Picture from when I first got that wig :-) tried it on at once >w< pretty old picture… I wish I had circle lenses ; _;
I wish….
There is a lot of things that I wish for, many is totally silly, and dumb….
like modeling…
I would love to be a model, I mean like, it looks like a lot of fun, even though I realize it is a lot of hard work and stuff like that, I have read about it… (whatched documentaries also!)
But sadly, I am short, have dirty skin, and I am really not pretty at all… so that is something that will never come true…
anyone need a petite model? 162 cm tall? XD haha (I did not think so….)
So yeah…. I just felt like telling you, since I felt like ranting… also, please tell me about your dreams that you feel like can never come true! ^^
Why
Sometimes I post pictures of myself that I delete immediately afterwards, sometimes I write that I feel ugly or don´t have any selfesteem, and this is all indeed true!
But I finally felt like I really should tell you why I am doing this!
As a person that runs my tumblr blog, I feel like I sometimes need to post a little somthing, just to show that I am here, and that I am still active on here… But the fact is that, I am so embarrased over myself, and I really do have such a low selfesteem that I immediately feel like deleting everything I ever post! I really have to pull myself together to not do that!
This is because I was bullied… bullied for 5 years straight in a row, being told all sorts of nasty things like how ugly they thought I were, something that resulted in me almost dying because I got an eating disorder out of it, that lasted for the next 5 years. This eating disorder, I have been living with for the past 5 years, and even though I am a lot healthier than I used to be, I am still not quite well in my mind.
I also get depressions at times, because of this.
Being bullied is a terrible thing. It can infact be fatal! I am very happy today that I got the help I needed, and that I am healthier today.
It took me a long time, a lot of thinking and a lot of courage for me to be able to tell you guys about this, you have no idea for how long I have thought about it, and felt like I should just back out of it. I don´t tell you guys about my low selfesteem because I want to make your sympathy mine, I tell you because I truly feel that way, and I feel like I can tell you.
Another reason for me to tell you all of this, is that I feel bad for keeping it from you! The me I am in here is only half of me, but still none the less me. I am still myself, and I will still be the same after I have told you this. The things that have changed is what information you hold on me, and how much you know. This does not change what I post, who I am or what I will post in the future. I understand if some of you want to unfollow me, but I am just telling you that I am still me.
Before I became sick, art/drawing was my life, manga, gaming and anime was my life, I did not know of lolita until after I became sick. It has NOTHING to do with me getting sick at all, but I think maby with getting better. I fell utterly in love with this fashion that appeared to me as a fairytale come true.
Because I became sick, I feel like I should be two or maby more different people, because I have such a wide/huge span of interests. It seems impossible for just one person to have! I am sure this sounds terribly weird, but it is acctually how I feel.
Now, because of what I have gone through, I have become a lot stronger and I have many experiences that has learned me a great deal. I hope you understand that I am still myself, even though you hold this knowledge.
I know it is impossible for you to just go on like nothing ever happend, but I hope you can be a bit open minded and see that the only thing that is changed is the way you see me. I am not different in any manner.
Now that I am healthier I have begun to know myself again, the person I were before I became sick. I have lost many years of my youth to this illness, and because of this, I feel quite distant to other teenagers. It is hard for me to get close to others, because I am quite introverted.
I am very good at being a penpal though, and love getting friends like that. ^^
Trying my best to not tear up, here I sit.
So, to sum up this very long text post, which in it self will probably cost me followers, I hope that you will see me as who I am, the same as I have been before, no one else. A girl that loves lolita, cute, addorable things, that have the same dreams and interests as you allready know about (sidebar on tumblr blog ;-3) and the same taste.
Now, with the risk of my total abandonment, and being hated, I will post this.
This is me. Unmasked.
This piece of art was drawn for me by frillypinkdreams. She sent it to me with our latest penpal correspondence! I love it so much, and I can’t wait to put it on my wall. *__* ♥
awww >w< I am so happy you like it! <3 ^^ Can´t wait for your next letter! :3
